I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i came on her dog
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
