I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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