dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
