i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
