So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
