So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
