i wish peter jackson would direct porn
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
