I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
