There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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