i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
