this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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