I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
