Don't make out with my wife yet
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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