Yo dont text me then not text me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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