Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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