Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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