The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
