just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
