you have to choose: penises or morals?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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