Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
