READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
