my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
