I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
