Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize