You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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