The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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