our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
