That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
being pregnant is like rehab
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
