my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
