All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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