This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
