never play flip cup with pint glasses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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