I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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