Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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