Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
