there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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