Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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