They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
