i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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