I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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