so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You've changed since you got that strap on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
