can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
