Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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