What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why can't burritos get me drunk
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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