The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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