This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
