I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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