I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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