I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
