How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
