I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
