2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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