I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
