Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
