If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
vagina is talking i cant
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
