I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
