How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
