Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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