Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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