I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
