Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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