The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
