I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
