My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
