I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize