feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize