My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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