ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
