youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
