i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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