why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
