wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
