Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
