guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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