its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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